The Torah portion Matot deals with vows and promises.
I’ll start with one of the oldest jokes I can remember....
A man joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
What is the difference between an oath (Shuvah) and a vow (Neder)? Though you may not know these technical terms or the Hebrew, you have heard them before. During Kol Nidre, which is an legal formula chanted in Aramaic on the eve of Yom Kippur to annul unfulfilled vows, there is a list of various types of promises made in God's name from which we hope to be released should we fail to fulfill them. It seems like a strange way to start Yom Kippur, by annulling our vows. It is a reminder though of how seriously we as Jews take the words we speak.
Professor Jacob Milgrom, editor of the Numbers volume of the JPS Torah Commentary, helps us sort out these terms. According to Milgrom, when making oaths (sh'vuot), one either asserts that something is true (e.g., an oath of innocence) or promises to undertake an obligation (e.g., David's oath that his son, Solomon, would rule after him [I Kings 1:13, 17, 30]). By contrast, vows {"nedarim"} are conditional promises to dedicate something (or someone!) to the sanctuary (e.g., Hannah's promise to dedicate her son to the sanctuary if God answers her prayer that she become fertile).
In Jewish tradition, making a promise in God's name is very serious business. The procedure for annulling them is also complex. The message seems to be that one should be very careful with one's words-— particularly when making a promise in which God is involved! And yet, since vows and oaths are fairly common in the Bible and are discussed at length in Rabbinic Judaism, it seems that making them was quite popular and important to our ancestors.
I wonder if we've lost the conviction that enabled our ancestors to speak vows and oaths and take them seriously. Abraham Joshua Heschel once said: our "words have ceased to be commitments." I wonder if we ourselves take our words seriously.
Although it frightens me to admit it, we are about to turn the corner of the Jewish year and begin approaching the High Holy Days, a time when we traditionally think about our vows and oaths. It's a good opportunity to consider how well we've fulfilled promises we've made and think about those we've not found the courage or conviction to make.
